Self Check-Out

Note to Self:
Never, and I repeat never, take the children to WalMart at 7 o'clock at night because you have forgotten a school costume for the next day.

Yes, my sweet daughter is supposed to dress up as Clara Barton (heroine nurse, founder of the American Red Cross, blah, blah, blah) tomorrow. I remembered this fact at approximately 5:30pm as I was trying to figure out what to feed the rugrats for dinner. Since I really did not want to fight rush hour traffic (and David is yet again out of town), I told the kids we would eat dinner and then head out to the dreaded Wally World. So after a gourmet dinner of Prego-topped spaghetti, we left the house in the drizzling rain. Kai was in top form. I'm not sure the best word to describe his behavior other than horrendous. It was like he was deaf and severely affected by ADHD at the same time. I know those of you who are moms understand that sentence. Kai would NOT listen to a word I said and ran around the store like a teenager on crack. To top the evening off, I decided to forgo the long Wally World lines and try self check-out. I mean honestly, how hard can it be? I have 3 kids and a college education. That must qualify me for something. Now (several hours after the incident), I can assure you I am not qualified to perform said task. It went something like this: I scan the first item (an absolutely adorable bathing suit for Piper.) Okay, okay, I know you're thinking that Clara Barton probably wasn't a cute two-piece type of gal but when you see a swimsuit for $12 you can't just ignore it! I put the suit in the bag and the computer screams "Please place item in bag". I DID place the item in the bag. Good gosh, it's a bikini for a kid that weighs 62 lbs. Maybe the darn thing doesn't weigh enough to trigger the sensor. After fiddling with it for several minutes and the computer screaming at me every 15 seconds or so, I give up and scan the next item. It allows me to scan the next item but big red letters are plastered on the computer screen that say "ITEMS NOT BAGGED." Why don't they just say what they mean - "SHOPLIFTER IN SELF CHECK-OUT." This whole scenario is repeated 5 more times. All the while Kai is running away, grabbing everything in sight and pushing me towards cardiac arrest. But ladies and gents, it gets better. After I threaten Kai to stay with us in the check out line, he decides to jump onto the bagging area platform. I guess his 30 lbs. finally triggered the sensor because the computer screen lights up like a Christmas tree and declares that we have "UNSCANNED ITEMS IN BAG." Thus began the international incident. Managers were called, I was interrogated and merchandise was checked and double checked. Thank God I was too tired to be humiliated or offended. Again... Never, and I mean never, take all 3 kids to WalMart past 7 o'clock at night. It's a recipe for disaster.